Black Belt candidate photos!

It was their big day! They look great, don't they?

My Break?

I never wrote about my breaks at the test.

I had a bit of a surprise: I found out that I needed to break 2 boards hand, 2 foot. I'd thought it was just 1 and 2.

So when I was called up, I had to think fast.

"I'll do a palm strike, then a back elbow strike. Then I need to do a jump reverse kick," I told Mr. Carter, who was up there.

He helped me set up the breaks so they would go one after the other. There were three stations: two people holding a board in front of me, then two holding one in back of me, and two people holding the two boards for my jump-reverse kick, off to one side.

"Which do you want to do first?" he asked.

"I'll do the palm and elbow. The jump reverse might take a while."

Before my break, I'd been enjoying watching the men break--Brian, then Kevin. I love to watch strong people break, I thought. The boards just CRACK! and fly out. And CRACK again. It's a great sound. Those guys broke quickly and effectively.

Now it was my turn. I focused, lined up, breathed. Then kihapped, and broke front--CRACK!--then back--CRACK!

"Now right away, the jump-reverse," coached Mr. Carter.

I focused, lined up, kihapped, jumped, and . . . BROKE THE BOARDS!

Totally surprised me.

I'd been expecting to do at least two tries.

So as I stood there, mouth open (my friends tell me), I heard lots of applause and Ms. Pryor saying "that would have been a gold medal break."

I will see if anyone has a photo.

Meaningful test

(I am having trouble posting pictures to blogger.com. I will add them later.)

At what point do martial arts students decide they’re going to become black belts?

I know that for me, it was about a year into joining TKD. Before that, I never thought about that particular goal; I was just enjoying the learning. But some people must have that goal in mind when they begin.

I think if I were to reflect on the meaning of a black belt test, I’d need to start way back at the beginning and reflect on why someone begins martial arts in the first place.

Our black belt candidates are required to reflect on this. They’re asked to write a two page (only TWO!) on the topic “what has TKD done for me?” Hearing those essays read at the test on Saturday by the black belt candidates was extraordinarily moving. They told us joining TKD with their children—to have a chance to spend time together, to encourage each other, to get fit together, to protect each other. They shared stories about injuries and disappointments and steady progress. All of them told us how important it was to have friends to work out with, especially during this last two months of preparation. Great stories. Moving stories. Inspiring stories, too!

For those of you who haven’t been to a black belt test, it’s worth watching as a display of determination, strength, grace, stamina, and focus. As I expected, Pam, Jim, Brian A., June, Patrick and Grace all did well during the test. It was long—over 1 ½ hours.

They started with basic moves, which were only called out in Korean. After showing their best kicks against a pad, they were all asked to do all 13 forms, all the ITF forms, and all the Palgwe forms up to the black belt level. Master Hughes mixed up the forms and had the candidates face different walls while doing forms.

Then they did 3 and 1 step sparring, regular sparring and 2-on-1 sparring. There was very little rest time; everyone was red-faced and sweating.

Of course, there was also board breaking. At our school, black belt candidates must break 2 boards with a hand technique and 3 with a foot technique. I have a movie of Brian A. breaking with a double knife-hand and then a jump-reverse to break 3 boards.

The breaks weren’t easy, and it took some of the candidates more than once. “Shows indomitable spirit,” I told June, who had to try more than once. All of it was amazing: the essays, the forms, the breaking, the stamina they showed. But knowing how hard they worked was probably most impressive to me.

“We gotta get to work,” said Brian to me as we watched from the sideline. “I think we can do it,” I replied.

Test Photos

It seems that the higher I go in the TKD ranks, the more . . . important . . . and emotional the tests become. This month, Saturday, I had not only my own test, but I got to watch some of my TKD friends test for black belt, people I've known since I began here. That made the test Saturday extremely loaded with meaning and excitement and anticipation.

I stayed for the black belt test, so was at the dojang for about 5 hours, then returned home to the usual Saturday stuff: chores, shopping. Although the children had been at the dojang during the black belt test (Bruce had to go to a funeral, so he dropped them off), no one at home really understood what I and my TKD colleagues had just been through, so there was no one to talk with about it.

So I've been thinking about Saturday's test all weekend. There was a lot to think about--my own test, and then the black belt test. Eventually I'll figure out how to write about it.

Until then, here are some photos from the first test that day.

Me sparring Jason.

The children doing their forms. The first test was almost entirely children.
Me at the end of Toi-Gye.

Brian and Kevin practicing combination kicking.
Brian and I line up to spar.

Good Luck, Black Belt Candidates!

On Saturday, Pam, Jim, Brian A., June, and Patrick will be testing for black belt. And they are going to be awesome!

It's been such an inspiration to watch them prepare for their test. They come in on days we don't have class to get in extra practices. They're often at class early--or they stay late--to do forms in front of black belts. (They have to do each form 13 times for black belts, and the 3 and 1 steps, too).

And the coolest thing: they are clearly helping one another out as they practice.

Master Hughes and Ms. Pryor have invited the entire dojang to come and watch the test. "Show them your support." I'll be there.

Good luck to you, black belt candidates! You're going to be great.

Foot protection

These are "Dance Paws," which can be used in modern dance to avoid blisters. I'm thinking that they might be useful for TKD as well!

Most of the black belt candidates have torn up feet from all the practicing in bare feet on sticky floors during humid weather.

And I wonder if these would help at all with my metatarsal ligament problem . . .

Philosophers and Forms

Toi Gye

Yul Gok
"Did you know that Toi-Gye knew Yul-Gok?" I ask Kevin before we run through the Yul-Gok form.

He looks at me kind of funny.

"See, they were both scholars and lived at the same time. Like a couple of college professors, chatting together about their studies . . ."

This is the danger of trying to learn the meaning of my form: odd looks from TKD colleagues.

Of course, I should just memorize the little paragraph-long description of Toi-Gye ("Toi-Gye is the pen name of the noted scholar of Yi-Hwang (16th century A.D.), an authority on neo-Confucianism . . . ")

But the problem is, I start to wonder what the heck am I saying?

I mean, what is neo-Confucianism, anyway? It's got that little "neo" prefix, meaning it's "new" Confucianism . . . but I don't remember what Confucius taught. Or when he lived.

So I look this stuff up.

Confucius lived in 6th century China. He was a kind of philosopher/political consultant. Went around during a time of "moral laxity," teaching people how to be more moral and ethical in their behavior and how to act appropriately for your station in life. It's not a religion: no god(s) or heaven. It's more of a philosophy.

Much later, then, this guy Toi-Gye comes along (in 16th c. Korea) and professes neo-Confucianism. What's new about it? It blends Taoism and Buddhism (important religions at the time in Korea) with Confucius's ethics.

And, apparently, he knew Yul-Gok ("Yul-Gok is the pseudonym of the great philosopher Yi I . . ." ),!

See, it all ties together.

Still, I don't think I'd like to have my name on a form that includes a groin grab.

Practice

Three things I need to do to get ready for the test:
1. practice 3 & 1 steps
2. practice jump reverse kick
3. learn the meaning of my form, Toi-Gye

Friends and feet

In an ideal world, I'd spend Sunday afternoons visiting my family.

However, with my family 600 and 900 miles away . . . I often substitute a phone call and a visit with local friends.

Today, Robbie and I were on our way downtown to an art exhibit. As we passed the dojang, I saw familiar cars in the lot.

"There's June's SUV. And the Gaylords'! And that's Brian's white van!"

On our way back home, the vehicles were still there. I stopped in to say hi. They were all just done with a workout. June, Pam, Jim, and Brian A. will all be testing for black belt Saturday and have been getting in lots of extra practices.

"How's your foot?" they asked.
"Not great," I replied.

June suggested that I should see a podiatrist.

I've been putting off seeing a doctor about this foot. My family doctor basically told me to stop doing whatever made it hurt. This is not the answer I wanted to hear. I figure any doctor would say that.

"If you're going to keep going with this, a doctor could tell you what you need to do to make it work," June pointed out. Maybe she's right. June herself has been getting some physical therapy to help her recover from a TKD injury.

After Robbie and I got home, I started to think that maybe I should see one of those sports doctors. I know there's a special office for sports medicine somewhere in our town. Maybe a doctor at one of those places would understand that just giving up TKD and ballet is not really an option. I bet my family doctor could refer me so I could get in.

Going to a sports medicine place! My siblings, who know my totally unathletic (and anti-sports) background, are going to laugh!

So it was a good day, for that insight, and for the added delight of seeing friends unexpectedly--I'd forgotten how that can lift one's spirits.

Where we're going . . .

Monday night--or maybe it was Saturday--the whole class was working on difficult kicks. After a while, Ms. Pryor called the black belts over to the back. She stood on a chair, held out a pad, and had them run up and do a jump front snap kick.

I remember looking at them and thinking: I don't want to do that.

Later, Chelsea broke a board with an awe-inspiring speed kick. But although it was awe-inspiring, I was thinking: is that what black belts do? Not interested.

I've seen lots of Inspirational Posters with variations of this message:

Life is a Journey, not a Destination.

For me, that's the way it is with TKD. Though I certainly know when my black belt test is (Feb. 2007), but I'm really more into the day-to-day learning of things. But sometimes I wonder about my destination.

Recently, TKD has seemed like a sport: competetive, athletic, physical. Destination: victory. What I want to learn is a martial ART, an art that's physical, creative, spiritual, graceful. I'm not really interested in learning a sport.

Do I have some say in where I'm headed as a martial artist?

Troubled hearts?

Wednesday's reading was this one: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. . . " It was like a balm to me, reading that after TKD class. I decided it would be my mantra for life for a while.

But as a writer, an essayist, troubled hearts are . . . well, the heart of my work.

Essay writers look at troubled hearts, examine them, figure out what makes them troubled. Otherwise, my blog would just be "this happened, then this happened." That's not a story, as I often tell my students. Where's the conflict, the struggle, the troubled hearts?

But what do I know about hearts, troubled or otherwise? The only heart I know something about is my own, so that's the heart I examine in the pages of this blog. And on the way, I examine mind and body, too!

Foot troubles

After a great workout in class and some after-class practice of my jump-reverse kick, I came home just about crippled.

It was the right foot, the one with the metatarsal ligament problem and the ankle problem.
I hadn't noticed that I was overdoing it . . . until I got out of the car and walked into the house, or limped, really.

It's very discouraging to have an injury like that. It just won't go away!

And I'm frustrated because TKD seems to aggravate the injuries (or chronic conditions) more than anything else I'm doing. Ballet doesn't give me this trouble. And besides making it difficult for me to do a proper back stance and horse stance, the injury seems to be jinxing my desire to learn to dance en pointe this fall. With my right foot so troublesome, I'm not sure I should even go and get fitted for pointe shoes, which had been my plan for the fall.

So I'm wondering: Is TKD bad for me?

Turns and Injuries

Turns
"You need to lean back on that wheel kick. Your back was straight up and down when you came around," says Brian A. to me as we all practice step wheel kicks.

You'd think that being a dancer would give me an advantage when doing spinning kicks.

I've found the opposite to be true. My ballet training seems to cause me to have trouble doing TKD turns!

In ballet, turns are always done in a lifted position: you think "up!" as you go around, tighten and lift core muscles so your weight is over one foot, and rise to half-toe (the ball of your foot) as you turn.

Not true in TKD. Often our turns are done while leaning over, or even with a slightly bent standing leg.

I also have trouble because I'm used to turns that are 360, like pirouettes, or even 180, like chaine turns.

Spinning kicks look like 180 turns, but as you execute the kick, your standing foot is only 90 from where it started! So I often end up going around the wrong amount.

OK, there is one similarity between ballet and TKD turns: both require spotting (looking at the target or a spot and snapping your head around as you turn).

Injuries
Justin came in with his foot wrapped in gauze: He has a large abrasion on his toe and the ball of his foot. It's a summertime injury from playing ball without shoes.

After class, he showed me the injury, which caused two reactions in people:

Adults came over and scolded Justin for not going to the ER with this nasty injury, warning him that his foot would fall off if he didn't get it treated, and offering to pay for the doctor's fee.

Children, most notably little boys came over to show me and Justin their injuries: scrapes and scabs from summertime fun: skateboarding, biking, running.

Interesting the way people of different ages view injuries!

Justin returns

I was surprised to look up from my stretching this morning and see Justin, stretching out across the dojang from me. I went across to greet him and welcome him back.

He's been in France for the last month travelling with friends and staying with French families.

A month is a wonderful amount of time to spend in a foreign country. If you're there that long--and living with natives, as Justin was--the country becomes a little bit of "home," not so foreign. You have somewhere to park your toothbrush, is how I described my long-term stays abroad.

"So did you spend the whole time speaking French?" I asked.

"About two weeks of it," he said.

I peppered him with questions, but I really would like to hear more about the trip--with some visuals like a map and some photos! Having been in that situation before, I know it's hard to answer the question "how was your trip?" in a polite 2-3 sentences that most people want.

And here's the annoying thing: after 4 weeks of not doing TKD--or much of anything, according to Justin himself, he still did the best across-the-floor moves of anyone there! Natural athelete, I thought to myself. And it doesn't hurt to be 18.

The Test

"OK. Jane--you come up and try. One chance."

"Yes, ma'am."

This is the second time in as many weeks that Ms. Pryor has asked me--and others in the dojang--to come up in front of the class and break two boards with a jump reverse kick. Everyone's standing there, watching. I go to the front.

I really want to break these boards. This is the break I want to do at the test. I know I can do it, but I . . . haven't . . . yet.

I line up, breathe, focus. Then ki-hap and jump into the board. No break.

Just like last time.

She calls up student after student. "One chance." But no one has any better luck. That happened last time, too. (After class the last time I stopped June. "Hey, thanks for not breaking. It made me feel better," I joked.)

Ms. Pryor wants us all to be able to break without practice, first time. I know I can do it, but I think I'll need a practice kick at a pad right before. Of course that's not really allowed at a test.

Brian offered to buy me some boards and saw them up so I can practice.

"No. I still have the boards you cut for me before," I tell him.

"You should bring them in and practice."

I suppose I should.

Uniform

Ms. Pryor's uniform advice was this: buy the top and bottom in different sizes.

Apparently you can do this with black belt uniforms. Those of us who are not black belts have to buy 2 uniforms.

So that's what I did: found a light-weight uniform I wanted and bought TWO of them: one size 2 and one size 3. The size 3 pants are long enough. The size 2 top fits nicely.

Of course, I now have a mismatched uniform that I'm not wearing: size 3 jacket, size 2 pants! Perhaps some mom would like an extra pair of pants for a size 2 child. . . .

I like this uniform, too, because it's a v-neck, rather than the jacket (which can come unwrapped).


But I don't know what these little ties are for . . . they're attached to the back flap of the top. Anyone know?

Black Belts

Mr. Carter
Some people aren't completely at ease with the way Mr. Carter has come back to the dojang, taking back a leadership role and being quite vocal.

"Were you getting some advice from Mr. Carter?" I asked one student (students will remain anonymous . . . )after I saw him correcting her on her form. "Did he give you some advice?'
"Yeah," she told me. "Constantly!"

"I sparred with Mr. Carter," I told another student.
"I don't know what was with him and his fighting stance," she commented. "He was jumping around--it made me think of a dog! I would have laughed if he'd done that to me."

"He's loud," I said to yet another student as we worked out to the sound of Mr. Carter shouting at someone.
"Yeah, that's all he seems to do," he answered. "Yell."

Mr. Carter's loudness and hyper-intensity is getting on some peoples' nerves, it seems. Master Hughes is loud and sometimes intense, but he also has a laid-back, genial good humor that eases tension.

I don't really like Mr. Carter's current approach, but it seems to me it comes out of an enthusiasm and love for Tae Kwon Do. He seems really really glad to be back. Maybe he'll settle down a bit once he's been there a while.

Ms. Pryor
She's helped me with a few things recently:
1. Sparring--she gave me some advice on avoiding kicks. "Just step back--you don't need to reach forward to block a kick."
2. Making the end of Won-Hyo look reasonably good.
3. Uniforms. More on that in a later post.

Justin
"I think Justin's coming back sometime soon," I mentioned to Stephanie and Cavio at the end of class.

"I hope not," said Cavio. "I've never liked him. He wants everyone to know he's a 2nd degree black belt. Kind of a show off."

Stephanie and I don't say anything. I'm thinking totally untrue--that's the opposite of what Justin's like. I bet Steph is thinking the same thing.

I think there's tension between Cavio and Justin because they're about the same age, and Cavio joined our dojang very recently after a very long training elsewhere. They also have very different personalities. . . I'm sure it's been a bit awkward.

Black Belts to Be
There's a huge group of people testing for black belt next month. Pam, Jim, Brian A., and June are all testing, along with a big group of kids including Savaun, Grace, and maybe Brittany.

I'm going to be sure to go to that black belt test!

Surprise

(Not a surprise: I'm still having trouble with my reverse tornado kicks. My kick ends up hitting someone at about ten o'clock rather than at noon, in other words, a bit to the left of my target. Sigh. Guess I'll just keep practicing. At some point I'll get it.)

Here's the surprise.

We line up for sparring this evening. First I'm paired off with Michelle, Brian A.'s daughter. Next, though, I'm with Mr. Carter, the black belt who's recently returned. He's not wearing pads.

"Don't you have pads?" I ask.

"I'm not wearing them. The only reason I'd need them is to protect you," he says.

"Well, yeah," I answer. "That's what I meant."

Maybe this comment threw him off. Or maybe it's my size. Ah, a tiny ballerina: easy. Or maybe it's the mom thing. Someone's mom. No problem. Whatever it was, he seemed to think he could just catch all my strikes.

He did catch a number of them, but I scored on him several times: roundhouse to the chest, high front kick, a punch. He seemed surprised.

Nice of him, though, when time was up, he didn't just bow. He shook my hand. "Nice sparring!" he said.

He said it again at the end of class. "Thank you, sir. I like sparring," I replied, and bowed.

I also like surprising people. :-)

Tough to go back . . .

I went to ballet today, only the second time since our trip to Cleveland and the 4th of July break (2 weeks off). I almost didn't go.

You know how it is when you haven't done something in a while. You think you're not going to be able to manage it, and somehow a sedentary day seems kind of appealing. . .

But I dragged myself over there, and it was good.

There's something very . . . good about doing ballet. Of course it's also exhausting and difficult. But the stretches are gentle and progressive, the combination exercises flow (even the allegros and jumps), and it's great to move to music.

This is very much different from TKD, where sometimes I feel like we stretch too hard, too fast. And those punches and kicks--such violent movements are hard on the joints. Sometimes when we do our kim ja sae jong dan kong keok (horse stance middle punch), which is the first movement of class, I can just feel my shoulder and elbow joints slamming out as I throw that punch. Ouch!

So ballet was good. It was warm in the studio, and I was able to do a passable right-leg-forward splits. Actually I did it Monday at TKD, well enough that Kevin, next to me, said "show off." I was just glad Master Hughes also saw!

(I must say that I was the only one able to manage it in the back 2 rows. I couldn't see the front row with the black belts.) (I sound like a show-off, don't I?)

In ballet, Suki, my usual teacher is back, and we did all the familiar stuff. Though I certainly wasn't in peak form, I could manage OK. And I was glad I got myself over there.

Notebook

I am now the proud owner of a TKD notebook.

In it are pages for each belt level, giving the steps for that belt's form, and listing what new kicks, movements, and terminology need to be learned. For some reason, I never had one until now . . .

"I need something from your office," I told Master Hughes at class tonight. "I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I never got a notebook."

"Well, you've done pretty well without a notebook," he said, surprised.

"I've been cribbing off of Brian," I admitted. Brian always has his notebook in his TKD bag, and we consult it when we can't remember the next step in a form. "But when he's not here, I'm lost."

I'm glad to get my own notebook. I like that our program emphasizes learning more than just movements; we have to learn terminology and the meanings of forms, etc. I need to get those numbers learned (hana, doul, set, net . . . ) and the names of the kicks (ap chaki = front kick, yap chaki = side kick . . . ).

For my black belt test, I need to "write a paper titled 'What Tae Kwon Do Means to Me' . . . the paper must be at least 2 pages long." I wonder if I could submit this blog . . . :-)

A friend in need

This repair project had me completely daunted . . . until Brian A. came along to help me out!

We've needed new thresholds into and out of the kitchen for a long time. The old ones had gotten all chipped up. But I had no idea how to replace them! (I am not what you'd call handy.) There were no nails or screws that I could see . . . until suddenly I remembered how they were installed: they snapped onto a metal track.

So I pulled them off with the claw of a hammer, took them to Home Depot, bought the new threshold trim, and took that over to the Home Depot saw to get it cut to the right size. How clever am I?

But they wouldn't cut it for me. "We don't do precision cutting," the guy said. "You can cut it yourself. Just use your hacksaw."

I don't have a hacksaw. I was completely discouraged.

Until I rememberd that Brian A. is good at fixing things. I got advice from him to fix my dryer vent once.

So I called him up, and he stopped by today to cut the trim . . . and fix the banister. Matthew and Michelle came along, too, and played at our house.

It took him no time at all. "Piece of cake." Well, not for me. I am very grateful. "That's what friends are for," he said.

And for the friendship, I'm even more grateful!

Clearer head and thoughts about school

This morning was the first since my orthodontist appointment that I didn't have to get up and immediately take ibuprofen. I guess my teeth are getting used to the turbo-charging rubber bands.

I also noticed in class today that my head was clearer; I could focus on what I was doing much more easily.

It was a good workout, too. Started with "marching"--doing kicks down the floor. I was glad I'd done some lap swimming the day before to keep up my cardio fitness because that kinds of stuff really gets a person breathing hard!

After we worked on forms, we also worked on some sparring--"technique today," said Ms. P.

I was paired up with Dillon, one of the junior black belts, and we worked on defending oneself against an axe kick.

"Oh good," I said. "Brian's always doing this on me."

Here's the news: it's tough to defend oneself against an axe kick. But we practiced a few things that will work, I think. I told Dillon not to tell Brian any of them (he was working today so missed out).

I enjoyed working out with Dillon. He's 12 and about my height. He reminds me a bit of Eli, with fair skin, fine hair, and a slender build. We decided that we liked working out with someone our size (he's about my height) rather than the usual tall people. And it was nice to be able to practice kicks to the head without having to stretch too much!

After class, I saw Dillon and John's mom.

"I have to tell you that I really enjoy your boys," I said.

"Oh, I'm glad to hear that," she said smiling. "It's nice to hear that from someone else."

I told her how I was impressed not just with their TKD skills, but also with their good behavior and the way they did not bicker with each other.

"And they're always really nice and talk with me even though I'm just an adult," I said, laughing.

"Lots of people say that," she replied. "I think it's because they're home-schooled."

I had thought they might be home-schooled. Several kids at the dojang are. I think TKD is a nice way for home-schooling parents to get the kids doing something in a group, and to get another adult involved with educating their child.

I think if anyone asked me, I'd say that my kids are home-schooled, too! Just not exclusively. All kids are home-schooled! They learn a lot from the culture of their families: to read for enjoyment, to exercise for fun, to treat others fairly, to be curious, to love learning, to persevere. And kids learn about their parents' jobs, especially when we work at home. My kids have learned much from travelling, since we love to travel.

Of course, it takes the right kinds of kids to home-school well. (I think Eli would take to home-schooling very well, but not Robbie). And it takes the right kinds of parents (patient, educated, intuitive, organized, energetic, willing to persevere . . . )

My hats off to people who do it well!

Static

"I had some trouble focusing in class this week," I tell Bruce after I get back from TKD.

"Probably because your body is trying to deal with other things right now," he says.

Huh? Oh yeah.

I got my braces tightened on Monday.

"We're gonna turbo-charge these teeth, close up that space a bit quicker," said the orthodontist, putting on an extra rubber band connecting "#3-#6," the teeth on the upper right side.

It doesn't hurt much, except to chew . . . but the constant slight pain seems to cause a bit of static in my consciousness. That's probably why I feel spacey. Or more spacey than usual.

TKD Feet

Summer is hard on bare feet doing TKD.

Weird Job

I haven't been writing as often as I'd like recently--because of the trip and also because of my strange job: freelance writing. I'm working on a set of freelance articles about the University's football stadium renovation. It's keeping me busy.

Doing freelance writing is odd work. I thought about this the other day when I was sitting in my robe and slippers at 8:30 a.m. doing a phone interview. I don't have to get dressed up to go to work!

And then when I write up the pieces, I often have company. At least in the summer.

The computer's down in the basement. The guys are home in the summer. So they play with Legos or the rats behind me while I write. Sometimes they put rats on my shoulders.

Weird job. But kind of cool, really.

Heat Wave

Still hot here, enough to make it hot up at the dojang even with both air conditioners going. So Monday night, we were all drenched with sweat after our workout, and there wasn't even sparring.

I did work on a few things:

1. My reverse kick. I have trouble with those, especially more than one in a row. "I think I'm doing an outside pirouette," I told Brian. "I'm going all the way around instead of stopping half way to kick."

I think what I need to do again has to do with my feet. Going from a horse stance, facing the side, I just need to turn that front foot about 1/4 of a turn (to toes-pointing-back) so I can execute the kick without swinging my body past the target.

2. The "W" block in Toi-Gye. Mr. Carter had Brian look at mine while I did them. "They look like "U"s, not "W"s," Brian said. Mr. Carter suggested just bringing my fists out further from my body.

Master Hughes later added that I needed to drop my elbows so that the angle was sharper. Oh! That makes sense. Hope I can remember.

3. Brian and I went over our forms and step sparring after class. I don't remember the last time I practiced step sparring.

Returning Black Belt

I haven't yet written about Mr. Carter.

He's a black belt from our school who moved out of town (I think) a while ago. Recently, he's returned, and has been working out with us in class this week.

After spending the last 6 months or so watching black belts leave our school, it's encouraging to have someone come back. I realize that some attrition is natural. Many people consider themselves "done" with TKD when they receive the Black belt. They move on to something new.

But right now, the only adult black belts we have are Ms. Pryor and Master Hughes. Justin is in France, and will be away at university next year.

So it's nice to know there's someone else here who really knows what he's doing.

I don't know much about Mr. Carter except that he knows and has taught Kum Do, Korean sword. I asked him today if he'd be teaching it again.

"My son Robbie took it for a while and loved it," I told him.

"If I do, it'll have to be different from the way most people teach it," he said. He wants his classes to include forms, not just sparring. And he doesn't want the children to work with foam swords. "They need to get the feel of bamboo."

I don't know what it would be like to come back to TKD after being gone 9 months. Mr. Carter seems to have stepped right back into a leadership role. He readily critiqued and made suggestions to students.

I'm not sure if I would do that in his place. I think coming back somewhere it would be more courteous to hold back for a while, to watch and take suggestions until I'd been there and established who I am.

I remember being at TKD once when an older guy came in to work out with us. He worked out in jeans and a shirt, and stood back with the lower belts. He wasn't very good. But when we worked on kicks, he offered many critiques of the others. I was puzzled, even a bit miffed. But I bowed, etc. and didn't say anything.

Someone told me later that he's been a brown belt long ago and he was thinking of coming back to TKD. OK. So maybe at one time he'd been my senior. But now? Is it right to come back and immediately start "teaching?"

This is an extreme case, not like Mr. Carter's--he seems to know TKD and have worked with some of us. Still, I wonder what the etiquette is for "coming back."

Heat Index

"Is that real?"

I'm at class and Master Hughes is examining my ankle.

"No, it's temporary," I tell him. "It says 'health.' It's a blessing for my ankle, which has been bothering me."

It's hot hot hot outside today (90 degrees by 10 am) but the air conditioners are roaring in our dojang. Just a small group today, mostly black and brown belts--who else would be crazy enough to come on a day like this? But we get in a good workout.

We do some stretching, some basic moves, some kicks. Then Master Hughes has us sit at the back. He calls us up one by one to "set up breaks." We have 30 seconds to set up three holders so that we can do 3 breaks, one after another.

There are no boards, just pads, but still. Even pretend breaking is nerve-wracking. When he calls my name, I stifle a whimper and go up. I talk through my breaks ("Hmm . . . how about a palm strike, reverse kick, and then an axe kick . . ." ). Then, with some loud kihaps, I "break" my "boards" . . . or maybe not.

It's a good idea, though. Maybe learning to set up boards is almost as important as actually breaking them--getting the distances and angles right without help. Oh yes, and deciding what you're going to do.

At the end, we spar. I do OK against John and Paul.

"You fight facing forward," I tell Paul. He is a big guy--so a big target. But maybe he doesn't need to turn sideways. "You have intimidation on your side. I just have speed!" I say.

When I spar with Ms. Pryor (always a treat--I learn a lot), I have to change my approach. She fights like I do, fast and with high kicks, but way better! I think I would have been out after about 5 seconds! But Master Hughes compliments my control.

"If someone has good control of their legs, they can use balance to get in double kicks. Work with that strength," he says to me, in front of everyone, at the end.

There'll be an informal practice tomorrow at 11. I'm flattered to be invited. I might drop by after church.

Thoughts on Self-Defense

Kicker Chick left a post with a link to the on-line version of Black Belt magazine. The topic: Women and self-defense. An intriguing article!

The author, Kathy Long, says that most of what we do in TKD is "overrated" as self-defense tactics. She says it's best to go for vulnerable areas: eyes, windpipe, and groin. You can read it for yourself if you click here.

Of course, this is what Brian is always trying to show me.

As you readers might have gathered, I don't really find the subject of self-defense very vital to my life, certainly not in the way it would if I were, say, a police officer. Or a social worker who goes into rough neighborhoods. Or a young, poor woman growning up in a bad part of town.

Still, I suppose it's good to know that if anyone every tried to physically attack me, I'd know what to do. And the self-defense training we occasionally work on in class is giving me a clearer idea of what I would do.

As an aptly-named article, "Know What You're Training For," in the July issue of Black Belt says:

. . . the recipe for action against an armed opponent is as follows: if you're a civilian, your goal is to escape. If you're in law enforcement, your goal is probably to arrest. If you're in the military, your goal is usually to eliminate.

It's good to remember that my goal is escape and not anything more.

The Non-Jock's day of Glory

I read an interesting article in the NY Times last week. Actually, I read a lot of interesting articles in the Times last week! They have the most awesome feature sections, including one on Thursday called "Styles" where I read an article called "Once an Athletic Star; now an Unheavenly Body."

"The dirty little secret among former high school and college jocks is that many don't remain active as adults. In their glory days, they were the fittest among their peers. But as adults, many are overtaken by nonjocks who embrace fitness as a committment to health, forget the varsity letter."

So are any of you readers former nonjocks? I certainly am. I like the idea that I am "overtaking" those BMOC and BWOC who were celebrated for their athletic ability when I was a plain old nerd.

And are any of you former HS and college jocks who've switched from a team sport to martial arts?

You can read the rest of the article at the New York Times website, at www.nytimes.com/2006/07/06/06Fitness.html but you'll have to register.

(I can't post links or use italics, etc. because I'm using my brother's IBook and don't quite know my way around it! Or perhaps Blogger isn't IBook friendly.)

Three Things

My ankle wasn't too bad at class Saturday, at least before and during class. But when I told Brian A. about it, I found that he had a similar injury.

"See, where there should be a hollow, it's all swollen."

I told him what I knew about inflamed bursae. We commiserated about weird recurring injuries. Ms. Pryor joined us. "What I really hate," she said, "is when you get an injury and you don't know what you did to injur yourself."

Despite mild injuries, it was a good class. I learned three things.

Wheel Kicks
"You need to lean back when you do a wheel kick," said Brian A. He was holding the pad while we worked on wheel kicks, one of my worst kicks.

"Lean back?"

"Yeah. You're staying upright. It's easier if you lean back like you're doing a side kick."

I hadn't noticed.

I tried Brian's advice, and it worked! I did a passable wheel kick.

"Your dad always has good advice," I told Michelle.

Focus and Eye Contact
Ms. Pryor was teaching Alex, but I learned too.

"Do your form and don't make eye contact with anyone," she said. Alex was in the middle of a big circle of the rest of us.

He did it once, then again, the second time Ms. Pryor approved.

"You need to show the judges that you're just thinking about what you're doing. You can't be worried about people watching you. It shows power and strength if you don't make eye contact."

Palm Strike
"So I think I'll just do a jump reverse kick, two boards, and . . . I don't know. I guess another elbow strike."

Brian A. and I are discussing how we'll set up our breaks for the next test. He has to break 3 with a foot technique and 2 with hand.

Me, I just have to do the same I did last time . . .

"Why not try a palm strike this time," Brian suggested.

Yeah, right.

"Like this?" I line up for one. He holds out the board.

"Just strike out straight from the shoulder."

"Should I try breaking?"

"Go ahead."

And so I did: break a board with a palm strike.

After it snaps (no it didn't hurt), I stood there, awestruck, while everyone turned around and stared.

OK. So maybe it'll be a palm strike.

Healing?

Yesterday I swam. Today, I did nothing exercise-ish. My ankle is feeling OK. A bit tender but OK. I'm hoping it will be fine for class tomorrow.

Ms. Pryor told us that she suffered a major injury to her knee early in her study of TKD. She also has a joint-punishing job in which she has to stand on concrete. "We wear safety shoes," she said. "Still--that's terrible for your joints," I replied.

I guess most people have to work around various injuries or handicaps, especially those of us over the age of . . . oh, say 35. If it's not ankles or knees, it's rotator cuffs or lower back troubles or plantar fascitis. Some people plow ahead regardless; some find ways to work around weaknesses. I think I'd be the second.

We'll see how I hold up Saturday.

1 1/2 feet

Maybe it was that rough noodle hockey game the other day, but my right ankle is feeling sore. It reminds me of the time this past spring when I had that inflamed bursa.

I didn't really realize it was bothering me, so I went to class Wednesday, as I planned, and didn't even really notice it until Brian and I started going through the forms.

"You OK?" he asked when I stopped to rub my ankle.

"My ankle's bothering me," I said, and I think that was the first time I really knew it hurt. You can go around most of the day ignoring something like that, but once you have to jump and stand in a horse stance, you notice.

I kept going, though. But through the whole class, I felt distracted by it, unable to really concentrate because I was thinking about favoring that foot.

Getting an injury is one thing. When I had that inflamed bursa, I just took a week off and did the healing things: tight bandage, effluerage massage, ibuprofen. And then I was back.

But I don't like the idea that the injury can come back to haunt me later. So now I have to be careful playing noodle hockey?

Photos in a junkyard

We finally got copies of the photos Ms. Pryor took at the Prairie du Chein junkyard! I love to look at them--they make me smile.

Here we all are.

A few of the braver people climbed up on top of an old junked crane--maybe 30 feet high--for exciting shots. I kept my feet on the ground and tried to stay calm watching them. Here's Justin doing a side kick up there . . .

These Been boys look tough.

This is probably my favorite photo.

Trouble with a Junior Belt . . . .

The crowd's small for the 4:30 kid's class. I had told Brian I would be there to help (he signed up to teach), but it looks like adults will outnumber children: me, Brian, Kevin, and Matthew are the only ones there.

We begin with some stretches and warm up kicks. It's all going fine until a couple more kids walk in, a bit late.

It's Arik and Miriam, brother and sister. He's a junior black belt, about 12 or 13. She is younger, maybe 10, and a brown belt.

I figure they'll come join us, but that's not what happens. Miriam slumps into the room, and Arik walks directly up to the front and begins barking out commands to Brian (who's leading us).

I'm shocked, but not completely shocked. I've encountered rude and bossy junior BBs before (you can see my entry of March 30, 2005 in the archives if you want to read about another). Brian lets the rudeness go, but I can see he's really ticked.

We let Arik know that Brian's signed up to teach, and I invite him to work out with us. He doesn't join us. He stands at the edge, watching.

As we get started again, with Kevin leading Basic Movements, Arik butts in again, barging up to the front to loudly "correct" Kevin's stance even as Kevin is calling out the movement.

This time, I can tell that both Kevin and Brian are really getting irked. We let Arik know that we're taking turns leading class. "Which part of class would you like to lead?" I ask him. "Think about what part you want to lead. And please join us. Black belts should set a good example by doing the exercises."

"I don't do basic moves. I'll start yawning."

I wonder if other schools have occasional problems with rogue junior black belts. Most of our young black belts are respectful and responsible. But then there's Arik!

And what a position he put us in this evening. Officially, he's of a higher rank than we are. But we are adults, Brian's the one who signed up to teach the class, and clearly Arik is much to immature to teach. He doesn't even know all the forms.

When we break away to work on forms while the children had a chance to play, I can feel the anger simmering in both Kevin and Brian. They speak quietly but bitterly about Arik's behavior.

As we do our forms, I think about how best to diffuse tension so we can actually have a class. Suddenly, an image comes to mind: Master Hughes showing how to use a W-block. "You don't want to meet the punch head-on," he said. "You just want to deflect the energy."

I think that's what I want to happen with Arik. Not for us to meet him head on, beat him, or "win." I just want to deflect his energy. See if I can get it going in a good and productive direction, even if it's not exactly what we had in mind for class.

After the adults work together on forms for a while and the children blow off some steam, we let Arik choose the next activity. It's noodle hockey. Then more time for forms. Then some tumbling.

I think we work it out the best we can. But we all know we don't want this kind of thing to happen again. It's much too frustrating and awkward.

When Ms. Pryor comes in, she's quickly informed about the junior BB problem. She calls Arik aside and talks quietly with him.

"I told him that I would never come in and start teaching a class if someone else was signed up to do it," she reports to us later. "And I said that he is really not ready to instruct."

It's something all three adults could have told him. But here's one of the difficulties of believing too much in a belt ranking system: even though we adults (who are below Arik in rank) can run class much better than he ever could, and we can even get class to run when he's disrupting it, he would never have listened to the same words of advice from us.

Swimming and eating

It's muggy this morning. My joints are tight and achy as they often are in this kind of weather. I stretch out at home, and get to class early for more stretching, but I'm wishing I could go swimming today instead of TKD--it always makes me feel better on stiff days.

But it's good to be at the dojang. In the middle of the room, Jim and Brian A. are going through forms together while Chelsea watches. Both men are testing for black belt in August. So are Pam and June--they're working out elsewhere in the room. The children run around, alternately working on forms and goofing off.

Brian has managed to get away from work to be at Saturday class, so we go through our forms, and the 1 and 3-steps too, getting through all of them, despite Brian's sore back.

(He and Jim had been sparring Wednesday, and one thing leading to another, Brian had been knocked backwards onto the ground. "You guys are way too rough," I tell Brian. "No, we weren't," he counters. "No. I've seen you. You guys ignore 'light to no contact' sometimes," I say.)

Class is supposed to start at 11, but everyone keeps working out individually, and Master Hughes circulates among the groups and pairs, offering advice and help.

It's really hot and muggy. The air-conditioner is on, but it doesn't seem to be doing much. I'm swimming already in sweat.

At 11:30, Master Hughes calls us over.

"As you all know, I'm going out of town tomorrow and I'll be gone for two weeks. So today I wanted to treat everyone to some egg rolls and fried rice at Phon Lan."

Everyone looks around, puzzled. Then pleased. We get dressed and walk the block to the little Vietnamese restaurant around the corner from the dojang. The owner is already bringing out plates of spring rolls and egg rolls.



There's something wonderfully compatable about eating with friends. Sharing food is a great way to share friendship!

Lives of Moms

"I think ballet and Tae Kwon Do go together. My new form even has a pas de chat in it."

Ballet class is over and I'm chatting with Carol, who's instructing while Suki is gone.

"Really? A grande pas de chat, with the front leg going out?" Carol demonstrates.

"No," I tell her. "Just the usual small one. Here's I'll show you. We start here--" I get into the back stance before the jump in Toi-Gye, then do the jump into the "t-stance low x-block," ki-happing.

I should point out that this conversation is taking place out in the ballet studio's hallway. I don't really realize how strange it is to be doing a tae kwon do move in a ballet studio hallway until I notice a couple of the moms looking at me kind of oddly.

They're the more typical ballet moms. Kind of like the more typical tae kwon do moms--moms who are there because they brought their children. They are not taking class. They are sitting and waiting, magazines in hand. They look their age. They are calm and full of decorum.

One says to me "Oh, my son took tae kwon do for a while."

"Yeah," I say. "Mine did, too, but they quit and I didn't want to. Besides, I think it'll be useful to know tae kwon do when they're teenagers."

"Yes, I had them take it so they could defend themselves," she answers, misunderstanding me.

"No. I meant that I will be glad to have a black belt when they get bigger than me."

Something about that encounter made me think again about different ways to be a mom.

I think lots of moms are really proud that they are giving up their own lives to sit in ballet studio hallways or spend half the day driving children from one activity to the next. I know moms who practically brag about having no time for themselves because they're always ferrying children from one place to another.

Clearly, I'm not that mom, and sometimes those moms make me feel a bit unsettled, like a slacker. Am I doing enough for my children? Should I be sacrificing more of my life so their lives will be fuller?

Of course it's not really that simple. Maybe those moms were the kind of people who didn't really like being involved in stuff. Or maybe they were glad to know their days of learning new things and being involved in activities were over.

And, really, my kids just aren't that interested in the many activities that kids do: they're not interested in team sports, not interested in boy scouts, etc. etc.

Still, the encounter raised the old doubt that (I would guess) moms often feel about how they're raising their children. Everyone has their own different way of being a mom and raising children. It's easy to see different ways and wonder if they're better than your own, not just different.

The day after this encounter occurred, I got a thank you note from a student. I'd been on her thesis committee and had her in two classes. We'd gotten to be friends of sorts, as she is a mom about my age.

Though most of the note was thanking me for my encouragement when she was a student, one sentence wasn't, and it stayed with me. "I appreciate your focus on your family."

To her, I'm mostly a college professor. But she knows that I'm a mom, too. And she got to see how I balanced those two roles.

Maybe in some way, I'm providing students--non-traditional ones and also those younger ones--with one more image of how a mom might live her life, loving her children, being there for her family, and also nourishing her own intellect, body, and soul.

I need to remember that next time I have doubts.

Second Uniform

I was going to post here last night, but I ended up doing some internet shopping. I'm thinking of getting a second TKD uniform. It would be nice to have a change--and I wouldn't have to launder so often! Besides, most of the other brown belts have second workout uniforms by now. It seems like a good idea, since I do TKD 2-3 times a week.

First I considered these cute workout pants, but, sorry, I've decided against them.

They are not durable enough for REAL workouts (jersey fabric, like a heavy t-shirt) and made more for being flattering than working out. Alas. Especially since I'm pretty sure they say "small but dangerous" down the leg. Or is it "brainy blonde"? Maybe I should just get a pair to wear around home . . .

I think it'll probably be this uniform.

Advantages: V-neck top, so it won't gape open. Middle-weight fabric,so maybe a bit cooler. And I like the diamond-weave, which should make it drape nicely on a small frame.

Any thoughts about uniforms/workout wear from anyone? Feel free to give advice.

mid-conversation . . . .

Jane: . . . but I'm the only adult there who's not taking Tae Kwon Do there with my children.

Bruce: Your children were there with you, but you've been orphaned.

Focus

Multi-tasking
Wacky day today, beyond the usual back-from-a-trip madness. Just like reading the essays of Montaigne: one damn thing after another.

Domestic stuff, like laundry, grocery shopping, baking. Home repair stuff, like finishing the trim in Robbie's room. Writer stuff: two articles to finish and send in, photos to take. And the boys home with me, too. I'm not very good at multi-tasking.

By the time I left for TKD, just was not sure if I was completing everything to satisfaction.

I felt splintered.

Monotasking
One good thing about being at the dojang: you have to be where you are, focus on doing TKD.

Small class today, but a good workout, from stretching to forms to combination kicking up and down the floor.

Dual-tasking
In the combination kicking I noticed, as usual, that the turning kicks are the hardest: reverse kick, jump reverse, and--my downfall (often literally)--the wheel kick.

I don't understand this. I can turn and turn in ballet with little problem. So instead of walking back up to the front of the room, I remind myself how to turn and do chainé turns, piqué turns along the side of the dojang, turn after turn. No problem. But the wheel kicks still gave me trouble!

Extra Work
Master Hughes is going to be out of town next month; Ms. Pryor too. So we brown belts were asked to help out with teaching. I'll do Saturday, and may help out with Monday or Wednesday kids' class. I guess it's part of moving up in rank. I'd rather be taught--teaching when I'm there seems like a busman's holiday--but I guess I'm moving into a semi-teaching role at the dojang.

Bon Voyage
Justin leaves for a 4-week visit to France Wednesday morning--Master Hughes had forgotten, but I hadn't. I wished him bon voyage this evening, a la francaise (darn; I don't know how to type those accents and cedil).

I'm curious--is TKD popular in France? I sense it is in Great Britain, as I have some readers from there. I wonder how it's taught, and if an American black belt would be welcome to visit or take classes. Perhaps some investigation is needed . . . !

Dojo visit

Just returned from a weekend trip to Chicago. We went for a memorial service--for the father of one of Bruce's high school friends--and stayed to visit with family.

I enjoy going to cities. London's my favorite, and then my hometown Cleveland, but Chicago is definitely up there, too. The memorial service was in Lincoln Park, a neighborhood north of the downtown area. Jean's dad was apparently not a religious man, so his memorial service was not in a church. It was in Ann Sathers Swedish restaurant!

The announcement of the service urged us to take public transportation if possible; Jean's environmentally-conscious and city-loving dad "would have approved," the note said.

Don't need to convince us! We love public transport. So we took the train to Union Station and the L up to Lincoln Park. The boys loved it. "It's like the tube, but up high," said Robbie.

We sat at the back of the banquet room so I could take the boys out if necessary during the service. It was necessary. But Lincoln Park is such a cool neighborhood. I knew we'd find things to look at. We did. There was a poster store, a bonsai store, and a store with elegant vintage dresses. Great for window shopping.

But when I spotted a Japanese Market, we had to go in.

We looked around at the food (sticky rice cakes, about 8 varieties of Pocky Sticks, sesame crackers . . . ) and oragami books. Then I convinced the boys to go upstairs. That's where the Karate classes were being held. "Visitors welcome," said the sign.

Like our dojang, this dojo was in a large open gym above a business. They had a huge wooden platform to practice on; the rest of the floor was tile. Mirrors lined the walls at one end, and chairs stood along the side on the tile part of the floor. There was a children's class going on, just 4 children and 2 adult black belts.

After we entered, one of the black belts slipped over to us and smiled. I bowed and she did too.

"Can we watch?" I asked. "I'm studying Tae Kwon Do, so I'm interested in seeing your school."

"Oh," she said, smiling. "You're welcome to stay."

We stayed for a very short time, but got to see the children working on some moves across the floor, marching, like we do with Ms. Pryor. They were a little sloppy, as kids sometimes are, but the teachers corrected gently.

I would have liked to have come back for the adult class--at noon, after the service was over. We were all together, though, so I suggested a walk to Wrigley Field and the L back down to Millennium Park instead.

Maybe sometime when I go to Chicagoland, I'll find out where Kicker Chick studies and visit her!

Encouragement

Nothing like a good day at the dojang to rally one's courage. Especially after a week or so of feeling out of it!

Wednesday was that good day.

It's the week after the belt ceremony and I've noticed that's a time of good vibes around our school. Everyone's been promoted and is excited to learn a new form. People who haven't been there in a while are there, the ranks are full, and there's a happy buzz in the air.

On Wednesday, the girls in the locker room chattered happily to me about horse camp and annoying boys. Justin still had nail polish on the toes of his left foot (someone had ambushed him after he fell asleep at a party). Brian was back from vacation.

Before class, Ms. Pryor helped me and Brian work on our new form. I actually feel like I'm beginning to get it. There's always a period when I'm first learning a new one that I feel awkward as I try to master the new moves and combinations. I'm not quite over that awkwardness, but I'm getting there.

Plus, the new form, Toi-Gye, has a move in it--the groin grab--that causes much amusement during practices, as one can well imagine. Brian A. had me just about distracted with laughter when he was helping me the other day.

We worked on sparring a bit, and I got paired up with lots of lower-belt kids. That means I didn't get very good practice for myself, but I got a chance to teach, and that's fun.

"Nice kicks," Master Hughes told me after sparring. "Your front kick looks good." Now that's encouragement I can use.

So I'm feeling better about things now. A short weekend trip to Chicago won't take much of the edge off things.

Like Riding a Bicycle

Normally, I'd think of having a ballet class with Carol as a special treat. Suki's my usual ballet teacher, but I took modern dance one semester and ballet one semester with Carol, who teaches at the college and at the ballet academy.

But today was the first day back to ballet after a 3-week hiatus, and I was having trouble keeping up with Carol's very brainy class!

Normally in her classes, Carol gives very intricate exercises: barre exercises with fast footwork and quick portes des bras (arm moves). Lots of counting necessary. Her center floor stuff is similar, and she also makes you not only do each combination to each direction (to the left and to the right), but she makes you reverse each one, too. So whatever you do to the front, this time you do to the back, etc. etc.

It's a great challenge for the body and the brain!

But today was the first day back to ballet after a 3-week hiatus, and I was having trouble keeping up.

My body felt like there were gaps between my joints, like everything was loose and sloppy. Once my brain finally understood an exercise, my body was WAY slow to follow. I was thinking that if I'd had today's class a few weeks ago, right after the recital, I'd have been in good enough shape to get something out of the challenge.

Kind of like the way I felt Saturday when Ms. Pryor asked me to try breaking two boards with a jump reverse kick. I was ready to do it at the test, but by the Saturday a week later, enough of my edge was gone that I wasn't ready to do it.

People talk about different physical activities as becoming physically ingrained the more you do them. For example, doing ballet. The way you stand becomes "body memory" and you no longer really have to think about turning out from the hips or tucking your pelvis: you just do.

I believe in that, sort of.

When I came back to ballet at age 40, after not having taken dance since I was in college, it was not an alien activity. "You've taken dance before," was the comment I heard. Some things just come right back, once you're in the right environment, with the right promptings.

Still. I am always amazed at how much one can lose after being away from an activity--like TKD, like ballet--even for a short time. Like a week. Or three weeks.

What does one lose? I'm not really sure. You get that loose feeling in the joints. You lose muscle tone. You lose fitness (pant pant! puff puff!).

When I come back to TKD or ballet after a break, I am reminded, often fiercely, of my own mortality. That however hard I work out, however strenuously I train, however well I do a pirouette or a jump reverse kick, my abililty has an ephemeral quality to it. Without practice, it fades, like a suntan in September.

This is good for me to remember. Sometimes I feel mighty proud of myself for reaching the level of fitness and ability I've reached. And me a former unatletic wimp! But I must remember that it's fleeting, it can pass, my ability can wane, and maybe will as I age, or as I get busy or the focus of my life changes. Or if I get ill.

I guess the"riding a bicycle" metaphor has its limits. I may remember how to ride that bicycle after not riding for a while, but I'm always going to need to practice again before I ride very far or with much style and grace.

Challenges of Summer

Problem 1: It's hot. Our 2nd-floor dojang gets sauna-like in the summer, despite the high ceilings and 2 air-conditioning units.

Problem 2: It's vacation time, so people miss class, including teachers.

Problem 3: It's vacation time, so I miss class.

Last night all 3 of those came together. I was coming back after being gone for a while, lots of people were missing, and it was mighty hot. But Ms. Pryor had us line up and do "marching drills" from one end of the room to the other anyway.

Romeo and Juliet

I've been watching a video of Romeo and Juliet recently. It's the Prokofiev version, some of my favorite music. But it's the dancers who really have me transfixed.

This videotape is of the Royal Academy of Ballet's 1966 production of the ballet, with Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev. They are two of the most well-known dancers of the 20th century, and this video shows why they are! The pics above are from the movie. I wish they were bigger!

I'm especially watching Fonteyn. I knew that she danced way into middle age, and Nureyev was her partner then. As I watched her dance the role of Juliet, I fell in love with her style. She dances so fluidly, her body flowing and her movements seemingly effortless. Perhaps the RAD was consciously reacting against Balanchine's attention to crisp technique (Balanchine was a famous choreographer of about the same time).

I wanted to see this version because I'd heard about Fonteyn and Nureyev and how there was electricity when they danced together. The Fonteyn-Nureyev duo was famous. In this production, they have such chemistry on stage--you could almost believe they were Romeo and Juliet, or that they loved each other passionately.

They did love each other, but not romantically. Nureyev was gay. In fact, his homosexuality was the big reason he defected from USSR, which thought him a threat to the country's family values and wanted him in custody. But Fonteyn and Nureyev were close friends all their lives.

I wondered aloud how old Fonteyn was for this production. Bruce looked it up and we discovered that she was 47.

47! When there are closeups, you can tell that her open, expressive face is not the face of a 13-year-old Juliet. Her face is beautiful, and so is her dancing. She inspires me. If one can be the prima ballerina at that age, then certainly one can learn to dance en pointe or earn a black belt at 44.

The video reminded me of another I've watched, one called "I am a Dancer," which shows Nureyev at work in the studio and performing a couple of pieces. At one point, they show him at the barre, sweaty and working hard. Then you hear him speaking in a voice-over, saying that if he even misses one day of practice, he can feel it in the way his body moves.

OK. Makes me feel better that I was moving slowly and awkwardly at TKD today after a full week away!

Performance

"So, what I'm asking you is, would you be willing to do a short dance piece for tomorrow?"

It's 6 in the evening and one of the people in my small group at the faculty workshop is in my room.

"Yes," I answer her. "I'll do it. But you have to teach it to me!"

So the next morning, there I am, demonstrating a dance for our small group. No problem.

I'm not sure I would have always felt comfortable doing this. I've always had a bit of performance anxiety. I don't like to be a "soloist," I always said. It makes me nervous to be in the spotlight; I don't really like the idea of having everyone watching me, expectant.

That was one of the things I wanted to work on in martial arts: to learn focus and concentration and confidence in performance, especially in solo performance.

I think I am growing in that area, becoming more confident, able to focus, less nervous. That will be good for many aspects of my life.

Yin Yang

"Cool yin-yang necklace," says Peter, the guest speaker at our workshop. Peter has just used a yin-yang symbol to illustrate some of the tensions that exist in teaching and learning. (Challenging students while also encouraging them; being a coach while also being an evaluator--"opposites" that actually interact with each other, meeting and departing, etc etc etc.)

"Yeah," I say. "I'm learning martial arts, so I love this sign."

"Martial arts?" Peter is interested.

"I'm learning Tae Kwon Do."

"Jane is actually a dangerous weapon," jokes my colleage Bob, who's also helping to lead the workshop.

People often make this joke. It's especially funny because I'm small, blonde, female, middle-aged, an intellectual. Ha ha. A weapon.

Though it's a joke, this is one of those areas of martial arts where I don't feel confident. I don't feel like a weapon. I don't feel like a warrior. Though I like sparring, that's a game. Real fighting--I don't have that instinct.

"Pretend you're in a life and death situation," Brian had told me when I was worried about breaking boards for my test.

"If it's a life and death situation, I'm running away," I had replied. "I don't have that instinct."

Is that OK? Do I need to develop that fighting instinct more? Is that why I want to learn martial arts? Maybe, a bit. Being more of a fighter--both physical and metaphorical--might not be a completely bad thing.

Back to the workshop, though.

"Martial arts are good," says Peter, ignoring Bob's remark. "You develop focus, strength, calmness. That's good."

Yes. I think that's where I am, with Peter's view. Still, might not be bad to develop the Yang to my Ying and learn to be more of a fighter.

Forms in the sand

First full day of the faculty workshop. Problem with these things: lots of sitting and talking and thinking. Lots of eating (great food here). Very little exercise!

I tried to remedy this by doing some ballet and TKD during a break in the workshop. Worked through Suki's extended ballet warmup and some TKD stretches. Then moved outside to do my forms.

Forms are kind of an indoor thing. Doing them outside is . . . different. Underfoot was grass and sandy soil that squished under my bare toes. The four walls of the dojang were missing (which way am I facing? Toward the flags?). The beautiful view of Lake Michigan, the sounds of the waves, and the soft breeze threatened to distract me. Still, it was fun!

I finished up my workout with a brisk 45-minute hike through the woods. I was rewarded with the sighting of a little grove of wildflowers I've never seen before: Yellow Lady's Slippers! That's the flower at the top of this post.

Dateline: Door County

Hello blog-readers. I'm writing to you from a little laptop in the greatroom of a beautiful lodge in Door County Wisconsin. Here's the lodge from the outside.

When I arrived, I thought maybe I was at Edoras (LOTR fans, notice that roofline!)

And here's the shore of Lake Michigan.


I'm here for a faculty workshop--I'm actually part of the group leading the workshop. So I'm trading my taekwondomom hat for my professor hat for a while. But we do have wireless internet, so I hope to post on my blog now and then.

And I may even do a bit of TKD while I'm here!

Photographer boy

Robbie's been my photographer at the last 2 or 3 promotional tests at TKD. He likes to fiddle with my digital camera, make movies, and take photos. I like him to be there, in that friendly and disciplined space, doing something he enjoys, being around people who know him and care about him.

This time, I wasn't sure if he'd make it. The test was scheduled for 9 a.m., so I was leaving the house at 8:30--earlier, I thought, than he'd want to leave Saturday morning cartoons.

"Hey Robbie, you wanna take pictures at the test today?" I yelled.

There was a pause.

"No, I'm gonna stay here and build with LEGOs," he said.

So I headed for the door. But as I opened it, Robbie yelled from the living room. "I changed my mind. I'll go."

He trotted in and grabbed my cameras. "But I don't like Tae Kwon Do, and I'm not gonna talk to anyone."

He bolted past me and into the car.

I'm not sure what this "not gonna talk to anyone" thing is all about. Especially with Robbie, who practically does not shut up when he's with me. When we're together, it's "Mom" this and "Mom" that. At one point on the trip to Wisconsin with the TKD group, he was talking just about non-stop, he was so excited.

But he can also do that sullen, silent pre-teen "not gonna talk" thing. I've seen him do it at church, and even at school. "Robbie's a smart kid. But I wish he'd participate in class discussions more," said his teacher at one point. Are we talking about the same kid? I thought.

When we arrived at the dojang, Savaun said "hi" to Robbie, who did not say anything. This annoyed me, as they had always liked hanging out together when R was in TKD. Maybe he was embarassed.

But Robbie had fun taking photos. You may have seen the "movie" of sparring that he made--on the previous day's blogpost. Here are some more of his shots.

Here we are doing basic moves. You can see how big our dojang is and how small our testing group was.



Here I am sparring with Mindy and then with Pam. Both are a good challenge!




Robbie took some photos of other people sparring--and having a good time. Here's Savaun and someone else.

Brian A. is sparring Grace here.


I'm glad Robbie got photos of my elbow strike break. Master Hughes and Mr. Houtz are holding for me, just like they did for that photo of me doing a flying side kick break when I was an orange belt!



At the end of the test, Master Hughes announced that he hoped to have a picnic out at his Dad's house where kids could ride a go-cart, ATVs, and mini-bikes. Robbie's eyes lit up. "I'm going!" he said. And on the way out, we chatted with John and Dillon about computer games and CGI.

I really wish Robbie was still in Tae Kwon Do. It is such a great way to direct and control energy. Robbie has a lot of energy, and he's not always good at directing and controlling it. But he really lost interest in Tae Kwon Do, and despite my encouragement and firmness, it eventually became too much of a struggle; he didn't see how to make it his own. Going to Tae Kwon Do became something I decided on and controlled, not Robbie. That was enough to make him rebel against it.

And that's probably where that "I'm not going to talk to anyone" thing came about. He wants to tell me that he's in control when it comes to his Tae Kwon Do future.

Still. If Robbie can be part of this wonderful group at least sometimes--as photographer, as event-attender, as black-belt-cake-eater--I'll be happy. I believe he'll soak up some of the goodness of our dojang in those small doses.

Good Test

I arrive at the June promotional test in a downpour. Robbie's with me and we dart into the building. It's warm inside, which feels good for a moment, but I know it'll get hot later. I change and head out into the dojang.

It's a small group testing today, only two rows. That's, what, 14 people? My first test, the rows of students went all the way to the back. Our school is shrinking. At test time, though, that's nice.

Mr. Houtz appears, dressed up, to judge with the other black belts. I shake his hand and we chat a bit.

"I hope you'll start working out with us again," I tell him.

"Maybe I should do yoga with you again sometime," he laughs. He tells me about a "yoga for runners" class. Mr. Houtz runs in races and has some trouble with arthritis in his hip.

"That sounds like a good class for you," I tell him.

Robbie sits at the back with two cameras. He uses my digital one to make a movie of the whole group doing forms. He's up front when he makes it, so Savaun is right in front!

"It looks like a battle," says Robbie. That's a compliment. You can watch at the link below.

Forms movie.

Movies take up a lot of space on a little camera like mine, so the rest of the time he uses my film camera, getting some shots of me sparring--and of me breaking those boards!

I must say that breaking went well. I've been putting it out of my mind so I won't worry. I set up for the front elbow break very carefully. Arm breaks scare me. Master Hughes gives me some tips--he and Mr. Houtz are holding for me. "Hit with the meat of your arm," he says. "My arms don't have meat," I point out.

But I break, first try. Only a small bruise.

I get ready to do my jump reverse kick (two boards--before the test, Ms. Pryor has once again urged me to try two boards), but Master Hughes only has one. I ask him about it, but he says one is fine. Who am I to argue?

That break also goes well--I think I could have broken two.

Ms. Pryor asks me about it later. "I'd like to break two. Maybe we can do it in class sometime," I say. "Just to prove I can do it."

When I go up to talk to Nancy, my black belt judge, she compliments me. "Good test," she says. She says it more than once. It's nice to hear.

We're all drenched with sweat by the time we leave, and tired, too. Robbie has finished my roll of film. I'll post those pictures--and probably some of Brian A.'s--when I can.

Closer to black?

I'm getting closer to getting that black belt, I guess. Brian has already ordered us and Matthew the little black/brown belt key chains--and I think he's ordered the black belt ones, too.

I like his confidence.

"And if I quit?" I asked him once. I'm not always confident.

"I'll come to your house and take you to class."

I sometimes feel confident about being in the upper color-belt ranks. Like when someone asks me to help them with a form, and I can.

But I often feel a bit over my head these days. It may look like I'm getting closer to being a black belt, but I sometimes feel like I'm just becoming asymptotic to that goal.

(Math metaphor courtesy of 11th grade math.)

An estimate

"How many classes have you had?"

I'm about to turn in my test application to Master Hughes and he points out a line I've left blank.

"How many classes? Since the last test?" I figure a bit--8 weeks, about 2 classes a week.

I write down 16.

"Sixteen? You've only had 16 classes?" Master Hughes hands the sheet back to me.

"He means since you started Tae Kwon Do," Ms. Pryor explains.

"Since I started?! I have no idea how many classes since I've started!" I say.

But I figure it out. 8 weeks between tests, about 2 classes a week, give or take. This will be my . . . 9th test.

144 classes. Approximately.

Exercise or Exertion

I was going to exercise today--my plan was to swim at the Y.

But I ran out of energy. I used it on a chore instead.

Summer, when the kids are home, is my time for doing Big Chores. My teaching/freelance schedule means that I have a very flexible and light work schedule in summer. So I postpone the big stuff until now.

Today's chore: staining the deck.

I'd washed it yesterday, so I just needed to put down the Thompson's Water Seal. I did it with rollers, a small one for the railings and picnic table, a big one for the floor of the deck. Much faster than a brush, which is what I used before.

Still, at 5 p.m. when Bruce arrived home, I was immobile on the couch, unable to get up and go to the Y for a swim!

I remember reading once that exercise was different--and better for you--than just plain old physical exertion (cleaning house, painting, staining the deck). Something about it being more relaxing and focused on making one stronger. The idea was that even if you are physically active in your day, you should also be sure to get some real, recreational exercise--sustained cardio, or weights, or stretching, etc.

Still, I don't know how people with jobs that require lots of physical exertion can manage to exercise TOO.

I'm putting off the swim until tomorrow when Bruce comes home for lunch. And no deck-staining tomorrow (I'm all done!).

Ballet-ish

After a week of rehearsals and thinking about ballet most of the time, I'm feeling very ballet-ish. I said to Brian that I just have to get back into the TKD mode. My next promotional test is this Saturday.

Sometimes I wonder if doing both ballet and TKD at the level at which I'm doing them is a bit too much. Recently I've been feeling stretched in both classes, like I'm keeping up, but just barely.

Of course, I don't really mind that feeling, too much. There's something exciting and invigorating about learning something new. And I like the way I often see how martial arts and ballet parallel one another in some ways. Still, I wonder if I could do better in one or the other if I dropped one.

I'm not ready to drop either one yet.

On the Recital

Hope you all enjoyed the recital photos. I thought it might be nice to give a behind-the-scenes look at a studio's end-of-year recital. Besides, that's where I was, behind the scenes. I was also the photographer; hence, few photos of the taekwondomom!

I spent almost the whole day at the theatre. There was a final dress rehearsal in the morning. Then at 4, there was a class for the advanced dancers. I decided to go, and I just got make-up on and hair done after that and before the show.

Besides helping girls with dresses and hair, I also did some babysitting for the little boy dancers--they were in the picture. They thought that next year there should be a "boys only" dance, and that it should involve weapons.

Bruce and the boys went to the show, arriving at the beginning of Act II! It made such a difference to me, knowing that my guys were out there watching me.

Robbie said, "You looked like you were having fun, being picked up."

Bruce said, "Your number got the loudest applause, though that's not scientific."

All in all, an enjoyable day. There's supposed to be a DVD of the recital; I'll see if I can put a clip on this blog.

Recital Photos

Learning

"You don't learn from a situation where you do something well. You enjoy it and you give yourself credit, but you don't really learn from that. You learn from trial and error, trial and error all the time."

--Suzanne Farrell, former principal ballerina for George Balanchine's American Ballet Theatre.

Wrong

I was wrong about the ballet rehearsal schedule.

This is what I said a couple days ago about the detailed rehearsal schedule for Thursday night:

the times crack me up--it's hard for me to imagine the Tech rehearsal will run smoothly enough for those 10-minute windows to be correct!

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The rehearsal was EXACTLY on schedule. Wow.

Robbie said he wants to see the show! (Maybe not to see me--I told him about the dance after ours that was choreographed to music from Star Wars. . . ) I think if the guys arrive right about 7 at intermission, they'll be able to get in then and just see the 2nd half, including our dance. And Star Wars.

Now if only Bruce and Eli can be talked into it :-)

Moments

"We do not remember days; we remember moments."

Are you . . . ?
"Are you one of the teachers here?"

I'm getting ready for class over near the edge of the dojang when one of the parents speaks to me.

"I'm not a teacher," I say to the older man who's sitting in one of the folding chairs. "Would you like me to get one of the teachers for you?"

"Well, I just had a question about that student oath that the kids take . . . "

I listen to him, and it turns out he feels that he had been disrespected by one of the young students waiting for a ride outside the dojang.

"I'll let the teacher know about it," I tell him.

Ms. Pryor says she'll have a word with Master Hughes. "Kids just need to be reminded," I say. She nods.

Anyone here . . . ?

"Anyone here not want to sweat today?" Ms. Pryor asks us once we're lined up. "Because today's going to be a workout where we sweat!"

It's hot in here and I'm already sweating . . .

Do you really . . . ?

"Do you really take ballet?" asks Jessie. We're working on some simple sparring techniques and 10-year-old junior black-belt Jessie is my partner.

"Yes, I do," I tell her.

"Do you do this?" she asks. She holds her arms above her head in a circle, the icon for ballerina.

"Yup," I say. I show her the correct way to do 5th position in relevé.

Then I show her how to spot when doing turning kicks. She says she hates turning kicks. "It's a ballet trick," I say. "Look at your target, and as you turn, make sure your eyes get back to the target before your kick does." She does it, and does an excellent reverse hook kick.

Anyone want to . . . ?
We've just finished some simple tumbling, wonderfully fun somersaults that go right into a jump front snap kick. Then we do cartwheels. I've forgotten how fun this is to do!

Ms. Pryor is stacking up a pile of pads in front of one of the mats.

"Anyone want to do a diving somersault over this?"

No way.

But it's fun to watch Justin and Brian A. do it! I wish I had my camera!