Tuesday, January 02, 2007

The Solace of Physical Activity

Sunday I went back to church for the first time since I got back. Most of the people there knew about my mom and my dad. After the service, many people talked to me, expressing their condolences, holding my hand, and hugging me.

"How are you? Probably fine until I hugged you," said Sherry, noticing my tears.

That's true. When someone hugs me, the tenderness of the moment causes me to remember my loss and the sadness floods back. I knew that would happen at church. It was wonderful to receive so much comfort and kindness from my church family, but I left feeling wrung out. It was a grey day, too, and I felt bleak the rest of the day. At one point, I tried to distract myself by looking at a box of beautiful Christmas ornaments my sister-in-law gave us for Christmas, but I found myself thinking Mom has ornaments like this, too--I should tell her . . .

What finally snapped me out of it was a walk with my family. It was misting out, but we put on our "London jackets" and took a walk in the neighborhood. The fresh air and exertion helped me to feel better.

I think it's been that way with TKD, too. It was one of the first things I did when we got back, and I'm looking forward to doing it again. I'm not sure if the physical activity is just helping me think of something else besides grief, or if it's helping that sadness to heal.

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