Good Days, Bad Days

Seems like when you're grieving, there are good days and bad days. Just yesterday, I said to Bruce that I haven't felt like myself in a long time. I just feel this constant low-level sadness, interrupted by periods of high-level sadness.

But this morning, I woke up feeling good. I figured it would be a good day to go to TKD.

And it did feel good to get there. My tight hamstring has had some time to heal, so that's better, and I actually had the energy to do Tae Kwon Do. I went through forms with Stephanie and Brian, and remembered them--pretty well.

I still haven't decided if I'll go through with the black belt test. After today, my inclination is to do it. It feels good and cheers me up to work out. I talked to my good friend Wendy on the phone this morning, and she thought it would be good to have something to work for.

Ms. Pryor and I also talked about the test. She reminded me that I didn't have to push myself to test in February if I wasn't ready. Testing now might mean that I'm not my best at one of the most important tests in my TKD life. And that's true. As I said to Brian, "I feel like I've gotten the wind knocked out of me by all this." Though today was good, it remains to be seen if I can continue with energy.

I won't decide yet. I'm going to work out as usual this week, probably SMTWF with ballet on Th. And we'll see. If I get back to the level I was at before Dad died, I'll keep going. If not, I'll just test later. Either way will be fine.